Insane RP Adventure!!

[I'd be in real trouble if you actually used them]

{For Beat}

Beat walks around on the website on his newly bought laptop and soon finds himself slowing down. What the...oh, this is the oasis. Great, Beat's pants are all wet since he walked straight into the water. What the...

BRZZZZZZZZZZAP!

Beat is electro-shocked by the water and his laptop gets zapped, taking in the electricity coursing through his body and saving him...but destroying the laptop in the process. On the bright side, the water is no longer booby trapped apparently because it was rigged to shock people who drink it...but now the laptop is fried.

[Curse]
[Drink the water]
[Make a wooden raft and make a pirate flag]
[Dig for buried treasure with your sword]
[Pull out an inner tube and kick it]
[Steal all the water]
[Keep going]
[Pull out shock paddles to revive the PC]
[Do nothing]




{For Atriarch}

The skeleton starts to panic and steps back, only for display behind him to fall on him since he backed all the way against the wall behind him.

"Oh cruel fate, why have you done this to me?"

You kinda stole the souls of everyone you killed, all their belongings, and you play Spice Girls in the torture chamber.

"...okay fine, fair enough..."

The Skeleton explodes and a whole treasure chest appears in his place...er...his...it was a guy, right?

[Take the sword]
[Kick it while its down]
[Sit on the throne]
[Leave (insert means here)]
[Go to sleep]
[Do nothing]

[Make a wooden raft and make a pirate flag]

Beat: Off to the far ends of the wooorld!!

[freak out] I back up and put my hand on the sword hilt nervously, my other hand raised for possible PEP fires.
"What are those vines?"

[Take the sword]

{For Beat}

Beat stands on his pirate ship and suddenly three pirates show up, a musical number accompanying them. Beat tries to order them to do things, but the fools are using his words to rhyme off of.



Once Beat manages to shut up his crew, they set sail...and immediately reach the other end of the tiny oasis pool of water. Well that's lame.

[Step off]
[Kick your crew's arses]
[Jump into the water]
[Go to sleep]
[Do nothing]





{For Atriarch}

Atriarch picks up the sword and it looks really, really shiny.

{DU DAH DU DUN!}

Atriarch got the Skeleton Blade!

+5 to strength, +5 to speed, -5 to Wit

WAIT! You can't use this! Why didn't you pick that undead weaponry efficieny back in the 5th grade?!

[POP! The sword disappears]

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Just as Goral is about to do something, a demon hipster chick with red hair, a white shirt with a black star, and a black skirt shows up and blasts Atriarch with a fireball, causing the floor underneath him to collapse. When he hits the ground...

[He's okay!]
[The Russian judge is not impressed by his dive]
[PAIN!]
[Death!]
[Acid flashback]
[The Twilight Zone D: ]





{For Altu}

Mimic "*giggle* Don't worry, they're just going to keep you close!"

The vines slowly start wrapping around Altu's upper body. Some of them are tickling him.

[The Twilight Zone D: ]

(Haha oh god that was bloody hilarious. Is that from some game? I wanna play it!)

[Step off]

Beat: Aye laddies, we've four erselves land! Off to new adventures aye?!

{For Beat}

(Yeah, the game is Curse of Monkey Island [3rd game in the series]. Fun little adventure game series that has a funny sense of humor)

The pirate crew vanishes and Beat steps into the desert. Oh boy, he's already seeing things.

Its been about four hours now, and Beat still hasn't found anything interesting in the desert wastelands. After what feels like forever (what? You just said its been about four hours!), Beat sees a funky little town that looks like Agrabah from Aladdin...AKA every city during those desert times in Egypt or Arabia or whatever.

[Go to it]
[Call in the tactical nuke]
[Call MM for a ride]
[Throw your laptop at it]
[Bitch about the heat and collapse]
[Use the ancient pogo staff you found at the dig sight on the Mighty Heaven Drill]
[Do nothing]







{For Atriarch}

Atriarch falls through a long introduction scene that greatly resembles the intro to most episodes of the Twilight Zone. After several intro scenes later, Atriarch finds himself in the middle of a 1950's street...its even black and white.

Rod Sterling "Tranquility Lane. A peaceful, normal suburban neighborhood that is home to the calm, ordinary citizens who are all happy and serene in their almost Utopian society-like home street. Amongst them, however, is someone who knows this place is more than meets the eye, and a stranger appearing out of nowhere will change their lives forever...in the Twilight Zone..."

[Do all that Fallout 3 stuff]
[Screw it and shoot everyone]
[Take a nap, this sucks]
[I see what you did there]
[Exit hallucination]
[Do nothing]

[freak out even more] I struggle free and run back about 10 feet. "Look, I'm sure I'll come back to you later, but I've got business now. If you keep me here, I might just get a bit mad. Do you know where I can get some bread in here?" I also light an inch high flame above my thumb just in case I need it.

{For Altu}

The mimic frowns sadly at looks at Altu.

Mimic "Aw...you don't wanna be my friend? Okay...there's bread in the King's Keep just beyond this hall..."

The mimic hops back into her chest and scoots past Altu.

[Take a nap, this sucks]

{For Atriarch}

Atriarch falls asleep right on the spot. GET TO THE GOOD PART!

{Several hours later}

Atriarch finds himself tied to a set of railroad tracks. A speeding train covered with skulls and eminating feelings of gloom and evil and doom and death and dying (That doesn't even rhyme!) is speeding towards him rigged with explosives. Meanwhile overhead there is a UFO chargin' its lazar, and coming from the other side of the tracks...

Cole "THE COLE TRAIN!!!!"

[Do stuff]
[Do nothing]

[Use the ancient pogo staff you found at the dig sight on the Mighty]
[Go to it]

[Do stuff]
Atriarch turns to kick the train with both his feet. hopefully that will buy more than a second.

{For Beat}

The pogo launches Beat, several hundreds of feet into the air into the heavens, spirals rapidly and pierces through light itself, and soon Beat finds himself traveling through many strange locals, even an alien UFO. When he finally touches down, he sees himself inside an Egyptian themed room with red velvet decor everywhere and HO MY GOD HOT SCANTILY CLAD ANTHRO LIZARD AND SNAKE CHICKS!!!

[Do stuff]
[Do nothing]






{For Atriarch}

Atriarch tries to kick the train with his feet...but isn't tied up at the right angle.

[Throw the penny in your pocket onto the tracks]
[Panic]
[Gnaw your arm off so you can escape]
[Do nothing]

[Do stuff]

Beat: EVVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIGHTEEEEENNNNNNN THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTNEINNGGGGGG INFACT IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FRIGHTNINGGG BUT THEY FOUGHT WITH EXPERT TIMINGGGGGG

[Throw the penny in your pocket onto the tracks]

For some reason I feel bad for shunning the only girl who would ever even pretend to want me even though she's fake. That and I feel like I made the wrong choice...

Anyway, I'll head towards the keep.

{For Beat}

Announcer "We interrupt this program for our daily side tracking"

A cowboy wearing a pink and yellow outfit is shooting at a British guy in a blue suit.

"Give it up! You're under arrest, Richard Rose!"

"I say, you won't do me in that easy!"

"I wish you were as pathetic as your stereotype!"

[We now return to our scheduled programming]

H-Hey, what the hell?! How did the lizard and snake girls pin Beat down?! HAX!

[Do stuff]
[Do nothing]





{For Atriarch}

Atriarch somehow reaches into his pocket and throws the penny in his pocket (which he now magically has) onto the tracks, causing the Doom Train to ram fly over him at high speeds and blow up THE COLE TRAIN!! before it hits him. Now that that's out of the way...uh...shoot, you're still tied up.

[Break free like you could have 3 turns ago]
[Stand up and rip the tracks out of the ground with you]
[Explode and burn the ropes off]
[Call the Vegan Police]
[Go to sleep. BORING]
[Do nothing]





{For Altu}

Altu moves onward and sees the stereotypical evil black knight figure sitting on a throne of solid gold and jewels.

Demon Lord "Heh heh heh, so this is the best they could send to defeat me? Truly a pathetic excuse of a hero, but I won't let my guard up. HAVE AT YOU!"

The Demon Lord stands up and is surrounded by flaming...flames that melt the throne behind him onto his legs, locking him in place.

"OOOOH DAMMMIT!"

[Do stuff]

Beat tries to crawl his way out. His face is that of absolutely despair and hilariousity.

[Break free like you could have 3 turns ago]
"...did I just commit mass murder?"

[will help for bread manouver] "Hey, I've always been good with fires," as I hold a Mario-esque fireball in my hand, "I could melt that off you for some bread."

{For Beat}

Beat manages to crawl under out of the mass orgy of hot anthro chicks and...wow, nice heart boxers, Beat! *Ahem* It seems the lizard and snake girls have stolen Beat's pants. PERVS! (Uh, you weren't wearing those, were you? I mean, really now?)

[Fight]
[Negotiate]
[Run out of the room with no pants on]
[Generate a new pair of pants and flee]
[Explode]
[Have a massive nose bleed]
[Do nothing]





{For Atriarch}

Atriarch breaks free and sees the destruction. Both trains are in total destruction while Cole Train himself is kinda...

Cole "...just a little time out..."

Yeah, he ain't getting up anytime soon.

{ITEM DROP!}
Mythril Skateboard!
+4 to Speed
+3 to Kick
+1 to Will

OH NO! You can't even use this! Why didn't you pick the skateboard profe...hey wait, didn't we already have this Scott Pilgrim reference? Whatever, have your skateboard and let's pretend it never happened >.>

[Skateboard to a nearby town]
[Skateboard to the Castle of the Demon Lord]
[Skateboard to Kiddy Land!]
[Start dancing because you're a real destructive mofo]
[Break out into musical number]
[Do nothing]




{For Altu}

Demon Lord "What?! You DARE mistake me for the other Demon Lord!"

Wait, what?!?!

Demon Lord "EVERYONE knows the other Demon Lord is the one who has the bread! This is THE CASTLE OF THE DEMON LORD, not the DEMON LORD'S CASTLE. HOW DARE YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!"

The Demon Lord breaks the gold and 4 demon hipster chicks with bat wings appear and start shooting fireballs everywhere

[Skateboard to a nearby town]