Insane RP Adventure!!

[Kick all their arses]
"If you all don't tell me whats going on,you are all going down."

[Level up! Strenght increased by 10!]

Beat
HP: 32/60
Strength: 60
PEP: 45/55

[Turn on her doomsday ice machine]

Beat: Oops.

{For Beat}

The world seems like it freezes almost instantly as a hail of crushed ice flows over the land in a huge blizzard. Life as we know it is lost underneath the frozen wastes and now the world is nothing but a ball of ice (kinda like Sidewinder, and it's really f***in' cold).

...Amidst the frozen wasteland, a single boy rises up, stepping out of the vault that was made to preserve life for such an armageddon. He sees the destruction before his eyes, and now he must choose to either help the survivors of the wasteland, or end their pitiful lives on the way to the top of the world.

...At least that's what would have happened if the machine was complete. The Darblat penguin thingies weren't done making it, and Beat's little earthquake attack didn't do it any favors. The machine explodes, sending Beat flying hundreds of thousands of feet and slamming through dozens of walls in different countries (Oh crap that teriyaki chicken looks good!).

Finally reaching a halt, Beat finds himself sitting in a fountain in the middle of a city. The city is bustling with activity, and there are stores in 3 directions.

[Go to weapon store]
[Clothing store]
[Armor store]
[Item Convenience Store]
[Pawn Shop]
[Start chaos]
[Go to sleep]
[Call up the Vegan Police with your cell phone for help]
[Do nothing]







{For Atriarch}

The people around Atriarch pay no attention to him as the fighting continues to go on. One of the dark armor soldiers looks at him after slaying a peasant.

"Who the heck are you? You with Meridell?"

[No...]
[Snarky remark]
[Is that something tasty?]
[I am Guybrush Threepwood, prepare to die!]
[Run away]
[I'm on your side, of course!]
[Call up Death to give you a lift]
[Say screw it and pick up the Fat Man sitting at your feet]
[Go to sleep]
[Do nothing]

Xafiel stepped out of the cab, hoping the driver would forget to ask for payment, and stands before the robots. Slightly nervous, he began taking steps forward. "Umm, yes, my name is None. So I'll, err, just be walking through here."

[No...]
"who the 'ell is that?"

{For Atriarch}

Soldier "...you're really clueless, aren't you? I might as well kill a useless fool like y-"

Just before the soldier can attack Atriarch, a peasant with a huge stick bashes the guy's head in.

Peasant "ONWARD! We must defeat the Darigan Citadel and their evil Lord Kass!"

[Do something]
[Say screw it and go to the tavern for a beer]
[Do nothing]






{For Xafiel}

Steampunk Robot "NONE shall pass, including those named None!"

Well who can pass? What if your master got catapulted out of your castle and needed to enter?

Steampunk Robot "Uh...NONE SHALL PASS! Read the fine print on our paperwork!"

Where's that?

"In the castle!"

Can we enter then to check it?

"Yes, ye-NO! NONE SHALL $#@&%$! PASS, DAMMIT!

Sorry dood, I tried.

"Ugh, you disembodied voices are completely useless... Plan B." Xafiel pulled his guns from his coat. "Sorry, steam bots, gotta get this clichéd plot -though with many twists- over with."

He took the few moments before the guard robots' responses to take a detailed look at his surroundings. He needed to be sure of where he was exactly as he had only been paying attention to the castle that stood in front of him.

And the awesome steam punk bots.

((Basically, I need a better description of where I am in the event you decide to go on with a battle. Helps me put the battle scene into words better))

Beat: Well, Beat, welcome to the city of where-ever, I suppose.

[Go to weapon store]

{For Beat}

Beat goes to the weapon store. A man dressed in German World War 2 fatigues (minus the Swastika armband) is behind the counter, monocle and everything.

"Guten tag, herr customer. What may I interest you in?"

[Current funds: 1640]

Knife (+2 damage) {200}
Leather armor (+2 defense) {200}
Broadsword (+5 damage) {500}
Dragon armor (+5 defense) {500}
Gluttony Fang (+10 Damage!!) {1200}

=Items

Gatorade (+15 HP) {80
Chocolate Bar (+25 HP) {100}
Nova (30 Damage to all enemies. 1 use) {300}
Super Nova (50 Damage to all enemies. 1 use) {600}
Peace Medallian (Causes enemy strength to lower) {850}
"Born to Kill" sticker (Causes enemy defense to lower){850}
Pirate Sword of Wit (Changes the type of battle to an insult fest) {250 (on sale!)}

[buy something]
[Steal something]
[Start a robbery]
[Haggle or barter]
[Ask to see a weapon]
[leave]
[Do nothing]





{For Xafiel}

The castle stands before Xafiel, the moat lowered. Under the moat there is a seering pit of lava, and in the courtyard there seems to be nothing. there are large towers on the left and right ends of the castle ,and right in the middle there is a huge Japanese style tower stacked up at least five stories tall. Behind Xafiel is the peaceful little suburban neighborhood. To be honest it looks like a regular place and someone just Photoshopped the evil castle in.

-gos to castle with the fat-man at his' feet-

Ignoring all given options, Beat got out his wallet and opened it on the counter, all of the coins and paper money just falling all around. Within the coins there were also 3 odd and very guestionable rubbery things of various colors.

Beat: This is my money. Count it.

{For Beat}

The store owner counts Beat's money very slowly.

[Wait until its over]
[Snatch something and run]
[Snatch something and run WITH your money]
[Pocket something when he isn't looking]
[Start a robbery to steal your own money back]
[Leave]
[Do nothing]


{For Atriarch}

Atriarch heads to the castle to find there is a little green pea wearing a red cape loaded into a giant catapult]

[Insert your own reaction]




{For Xafiel}

The guards look at their wrists, which comically have built in watches.

"LUNCH!"

With that, the bots turned into tables and other bots pulled out sandwiches and started eating. How does that even work?

"... Well, that works." Xafiel used this time of distraction to walk across to the castle gate. Looking back he questions one of the bots, "Got an extra sandwich?"

{For Xafiel}

The bots notice Xafiel as he asks for a spare sandwich and the moat raises, locking him in the castle. From the other side he hears yelling

"NO YOU DUMMY! You were supposed to take him out and THEN raise the drawbridge!"

Inside Xafiel is encountered by a rather sexy green scaled lizardwoman wearing light green spike plate armor.

"Let's make a deal. Become my husband and you live. Refuse and you die."

"wait little pea! take this with you!"
-hands pea fat man mini nuke-

{For Atriarch}

The little pea takes Atriarch's Fat Man mini nuke and flies at him, blowing up on Atriarch. It wasn't on your side and you handed it a mini nuke! OUCH

...fortunately you're not dead. The bump on your head made you forget you have a flamethrower and now you can fly. Here comes the knife wielding monkeys!

"...that...was...AWESOME!"

-Load Leaver Rifle-

{For Atriarch}

Atriarch loads his rifle. To the right there are dozens of conveniently placed explosive barrels.

[Shoot the barrels]
[Slice the barrels and shoot the contents inside]
[Run away!]
[DO A BARREL ROLL!]
[Stand around and get your ass kicked]
[Do nothing]

Xafiel hesitated for a moment. "Umm... Better idea, you tell me where the princess is in this failed photoshop attempt and that magical voice gives me some idea of what to do next?"

[DO A BARREL ROLL!]
-Atriarch climbs up onto a barrel, then begins rolling it with his feet-

{For Atriarch}

Atriarch's plan is working just as planned. He is running down the knife wielding monkeys and knocking them ou- CRAP THAT ONE HAS FLAMING KNIVES!

{CRAK-BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!}

{100 years later, that same location}

"War never changes. After the destruction of the forces in the castle, rage started increasing between rivaling factions. Soon they called in the heavy artillery, and the destruction was immense. Radiation polluted the land and the surface world became a barren wasteland, uninhabitable by most everyone. Many had fled to underground "vaults" which supported them with life and sheltered them from the tragedy and horror above them.

However, for those that can inhabit the wasteland, its a struggle for power, control, resistance, or just trying to live a civil life. Some are happy, some aren't. Its a dog eat dog world out there, and one sheltered for so long would not know what to expect. One day, however, a young Vault dweller will be forced to leave his home and discover what the world he never knew was is like. Would he fight to save the weak and support everyone trying to live peaceful lives, or would he rise to the top of the crime and slave masters to rule the new world with an iron hand? Only time will tell..."

Atriarch III's father "YOU IDIOT! YOU BLEW UP THE DAMN CAKE AGAIN! DIE2Y23420386Y235927UH 80!!C3E R3W12"

[Leave the vault]
[Steal a beer then leave]
[Use your experimental rocket boots to *Tonzura Koite!]
[Do nothing]

*And we get the hell out!




{For Xafiel}

The lizardgirl sneers at Xafiel

"You mean that our great castle is some photo manipulation created with a computer program to edit pictures and such?! I will not take your insolence sitting down!"

Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again?

"YOU'RE NEXT, PHANTOM VOICE!"

The lizardgirl throws poison daggers at Xafiel in waves of 3

[Wait until its over]

Beat: °^°

"do I have to take the G.O.A.T? I think it is rigged."

[Call Ackbar] I pull out my cell phone to ask Admiral Ackbar's opinion.

I agree, so I throw a stuffed animal full of C4 at the chest and wait with a fuse.

{For Beat}

The store owner finishes counting the money.

"...Excuse me, herr sir, but you have exactly 2 American dollars in over 5000 different forms of currency, many of which are just slightly modified pictures of yourself on Amercican Dollar bills. To be fair, lets say you have 600 money.

Knife (+2 damage) {200}
Leather armor (+2 defense) {200}
Broadsword (+5 damage) {500}
Dragon armor (+5 defense) {500}
Gluttony Fang (+10 Damage!!) {1200}

=Items

Gatorade (+15 HP) {80
Chocolate Bar (+25 HP) {100}
Nova (30 Damage to all enemies. 1 use) {300}
Super Nova (50 Damage to all enemies. 1 use) {600}
Peace Medallian (Causes enemy strength to lower) {850}
"Born to Kill" sticker (Causes enemy defense to lower){850}
Pirate Sword of Wit (Changes the type of battle to an insult fest) {250 (on sale!)}

[Buy something]
[Do stuff]
[Do nothing]




{For Atriarch III}

"Yes, you do. You don't get to have a job as a 'Professional Ass-Kicker'. It can't be rigged, Tommy got the job Fire Extinguisher."

...Isn't Tommy the Pyromaniac?

"JUST TAKE IT, DAMN YOU!!!"


[Do stuff]
[Do nothing]








{For Altu}

As the stuffed animal flies into the middle of the hall, several zombies show up out of nowhere and gather around it. Moments later, the teddy explodes and creates a red mist that dies out shortly afterwards. Wow, that was more awesome than a pipebomb with a smoke alarm on it! Fortunately the chest remained in tact and undamaged.